kinksters, fandom & the internet(s)

Allow me to make a couple of points as transparent as I can manage:

 Sept ’11, Kitsap County, Washington

1. I don’t give a toss about rubbing shoulders with alleged leaders of the community. I don’t get off on it. It’s NICE, mind you, but it is not NECESSARY.

I may not be a face that people in any city’s scene recognizes easily, but that’s not to suggest I feel like a greenhorn regarding who I am or what I want, or that I have stuff to prove to people I don’t know. I won’t contribute too much energy into a celebrity solely in the hopes that they will bat an eyelash at me.

Workshops and parties can be lovely, and I’m fond of them. I revel in the ability to take in what folks have learned. However, I glean experience from people of my choosing, people I believe I can connect with on a level more developed than that of acquaintances. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that’s okay.

I don’t feel that any sort of immunity toward leaders of the community is warranted. This Person/These People Can Do No Harm (Because They Are Well-Known) simply doesn’t wash with me. Scrutiny should apply to everyone, and if anything, leaders should be held to a higher standard. They’re certainly likely to have more responsibilities than your ‘average’ John Needles or Jane McCanes.

2. I don’t appreciate taking sides, especially when it comes to speculation on the internet. When I do, the end result is that I feel very low. I shut down.

The internet is a skewed form of how people are or can be offline, and I’m aware it has special ways of being able to bring out the worst in people quick snap.

I form my own opinions based on how little or how much information I’ve got, as most human beings would; I won’t attempt to claim otherwise. I prefer to remain as neutral as possible when not directly involved, and use the offline interactions to influence me when dealing with these matters, where available.

Oftentimes inactivity is seen as choosing a position anyway despite best efforts, and there really isn’t much I can do about that without dedicating time to issues I’d rather stay out of. I absolutely do not enjoy conflict.


Popular stances are not always correct, nor are popular people. Moments occur where wrong or right aren’t even relevant to the argument supported.

sticks & stones

It goes without saying that in social circles, reputation can be very important.
It’s pleasing to be able to offer references to others (if deemed necessary) when coming into their world to reassure them that you’re good people, whether it’s for public or private events, business or casual. It’s even better when you don’t have to do it yourself, because mutual acquaintances and/or friends are so excited at the prospect of getting so much positive energy into a single space.
What do you do if you’ve had one not so rosy experience with a person, though? Two? Three? 
Would references work the converse way, where you’d warn friends about said person/people? Would it depend on the severity of the experience(s)?

Luckily, I haven’t had very many bad experiences to speak of. 
If I have issues with someone directly, it may take me a moment to vocalize, but I usually attempt to sort them out with the person involved. While I don’t see the harm in kvetching occasionally, I tend not to mention more benign things to friends that aren’t involved unless asked, or unless they build up over time.
However, if I feel that folks I care about could be in danger as a result of interaction with Person X, I’d be inclined to tap them lightly on the shoulder, share my story, and let them draw their own conclusion.
That last bit is vital: let them draw their own conclusion.
It is absolutely not my intention to come across as a pushover of my own agenda, or to make it seem as though my friends can’t take my words with a grain of salt. 
It’s essential, as someone who knows me, that you make use of your own common sense.
My experiences may not be your own. That’s the big hope, actually — your experiences should not mirror my own, especially if mine were negative.

It’s a delicate process, talking about people in general. 
It’s increasingly fragile ground if your primary outlet in which to do so is the internet, which leads to loads of conjecture.
Comments spread like wildfire, so be careful about the matches you choose to ignite, when and where you throw them. The damage is oftentimes irreversible.