out of the dark

To say ‘it’s not easy letting one person into your life’ is quite the understatement. Truly. 


For many, it’s impossible to let in more than one – a deal breaker, unspeakable, morally wrong, joked about. On the same token, I’ve read articles from seemingly militant polyamorous folks who feel that monogamy is ‘stupid’. (Dan Savage, Monogamy vs Commitment)


It’s a sensitive subject.


I’ll count myself fortunate that the friends who’ve asked about my experiences with multiple partners (and are monogamous) have done so gently and respectfully. I try to answer every question as best as I can, and return that respect.


We humans are notoriously curious, after all; as long as there’s no malice behind the curiosity, what’s the harm in supplying the knowledge?


I cannot and will not in any way claim to be an expert on the matter, though. 


Whether you’re monogamous or not, spending time with each lover is different. Each connection yields a multitude of feelings and lessons. Venturing into one relationship or more blindly is not recommended. (I can tell you that frankly, having unfortunately done so myself. Do yourself a favor – don’t learn this the hard way, please! Study up. Ask questions.)






My last break-up was a rather nasty one. That can’t be denied. Our modes of communication were not working well together and there was stress frequently, which began to affect me elsewhere. With that in mind, I took it upon myself to go slowly next time, at the pace I wanted to go, or one that was at least in sync with others in the relationship.


‘Next time’ came sooner than I expected. I met Shiny Girl briefly at a casual local women’s poly and kink friendly event chatted me up online, which turned into meetings over meals, then watching feel-good movies snuggled up in private. Conversation laced with the occasional smile and nervous tripping over words ensued; generally a good time.


To be honest, I was all ready to distance the interaction at a friendship, but her efforts gave impetus to a deeper-than-surface bond. The more I talked to her, the more I wanted to know.


Shiny Girl’s teaching me what it’s like to be selfless without being entirely aware of it, which is just wonderful. She’s also opening me up without pushing too hard, something I needed in another love interest. It has been nearly three years since my last serious girlfriend…


What’s more is that my Anchor (whom I’ve been with for about 2 years now) gets on well with her, something that didn’t have the chance to blossom with my ex. I feel a wave of relief come over me when I discuss Shiny Girl with him, and I don’t have to remind him who she is. We’ve all met, spent time together, conversed online. I hope that we can do more of it soon.


No one is in a rush to achieve any ultimate goal. We can just go forward at a leisurely gait.


It’s very early and I dare not press on this for fear of jinxing it, but I am very, very happy.






No, it’s not easy. Hardly any of the best things are, but they’re worth fighting for/working on if you think they are. It helps if you’re not the only one in a party feeling that way.

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